Guilt 1/52- Zoe

So Zoe is almost 11 months old.

She just started to stand unassisted a few days ago.  She took three steps two days ago but than when I went to show Greg she smiled all big at him and face planted.  She has 8 teeth popping out.  She is so big. 

I sometimes do not feel she gets the attention she deserves because she is the 2nd child and when she is content we play with her older brother because he needs this attention.  It makes me feel so sad. 

I want her to know how much she means to me.  I want her to know how special she is.  I want her to know I love her as much as Eoghan.  Because I do.  I love every little thing about her.  I love her drama. I love the fact that she will just lean forward and bite someone and do it with so much joy in her eyes.   I love her scream.  Jesus, her smile.  There has never a smile I have been aware of that is as cute as hers.  It just makes you heart get that tickle feeling.  She is so sweet.

  This girl has made me have confidence in my body.  She is the nursing queen or diva.  She will nurse sitting, laying, standing and or whenever and wherever she wants.  She just wants her mommas milk:)  Thank you for sharing my bed with me the last 11 months.  Thank you for all the early morning with just us sitting on the couch snuggling.  I am so lucky to be your mamma and be allowed to have the opportunity to have that special bond. 

She has the most beautiful birthmark on her thigh.  It is exciting to me.  I just stare at it.  I do not have a birthmark so I think they are so cool for some reason.  She is absolutely obsessed with her brother.  Yet she can stand up to him to and if he tries to snatch something from her she will let out a scream that lets us know.

They are already best friends. 

 Zoe, I love you so much.  I can not even wrap my brain around the fact that you are coming to the end of your first year with us.  How has this happened?  How can it be?  Please, let time just slow down.  Please let there be a million more moments we share before you are not an infant.  You made my heart grow more and I did not think this was possible after Eoghan.  I truthfully had doubts about loving anything as much as I love that boy but you my chunky monkey knocked your brother right over and now you both share equal halfs of my heart. Daddy and I could not have dreamed of a more amazing addition to our family.  You have made our home complete.  Thank you for being ours. 

life

So.....  I do not write anymore.  What the hell.  I wrote all the time when life was insane, sad and full of drama.  I have not written in my journal for over a year.  It is in my purse so it would not take effort really at all.  Yet, now that my life is full of adventure, joy, frustration, dirty diapers, breastmilk, lack of sleep and marriage I am dead to the world of sharing my words.

 The last thing I shared was I was getting married and I had an 18 month old boy.










 We love on each other on our honeymoon.  and got back from our honey moon.....  And loved on our boy...

 

Loved loved loved loved........

This one of the highlights of things happening.  If she could only be shaved all the time she would be loved so much more. 

This boy loves to jam with his daddy.

And around a week before August 2nd Mamma was all fat and acting nutty....

And this happened.  Zoe Virginia freshly baked was held by her doting big boy brother.

 And than shit got all kids of crazy.  In the best yet most tiring way possible.  No sleep for anyone.  Maybe because there are babies in all of the beds or parents required in the boys beds.  And husbands sleeping on futons.  And breast out everywhere and the house is a disaster and parents bickering and getting on each others nerves.

 But it is all so totally worth it.  But it is Spring time and just when we felt we were going to go nuts from crying babies and tantrum throwing boys the sun is shining and it is time to play.....

I have a daughter.  Now I have an almost 3 year old insanely awesome boy and a beautiful and loud 8 month old girl.  She is pretty incredible.  She sleeps like shit.  Screams if you put her down.  And is a super loud talker.  She thinks her brother is just the most amazing thing ever.  Which if you have met Eoghan she is pretty much point on. 

Marriage

I am marrying my baby daddy on Friday!!!!  Who would have thought?  17 years ago when I sold him a bump of crystal for like $20 at a dirty ass rave I would not have believed that we would make the most beautiful baby and form such an amazing family.  17 years of being partners in crime but really both of our lives really began 18 months ago with this little sucker.

The love I have for these two is ridiculous.  They actually keep up with me in the goofy department.  Greg, thank you for buying that bump from me and tricking Lauren and I into driving you guys home from Baltimore.  Thank you for being my best friend, brother(even though that sounds incest like), partner in crime and protector since we met.  Thank you for waiting out all the craziness in our lives and trying to get in my pants again.  You are my family.  Always have been.    And it is just so fucking right.  Do you feel it?  I do and I love it.  LOVE IT!  You are the most amazing father.  It makes me giddy just watching you and Eoghan.  And the way Eoghan stares at you playing the guitar is enough to break hearts.  I am in love with you, I am grateful for you, and I thank you for falling in love with me. 

We make a beautiful family!

My son is 1 years old plus three days.

How come pregnancy seems like years and then I have my boy and he goes from this.....

to this in what feels like seconds?

Due Date

This was my official due date.  WOW, is all I can say.  I can not believe it has been a year.  And there is only four more days until my beautiful Eoghan decided it was time to come on out.  It is dreamlike how quickly the best year of Greg and I's life has flown by.  Please, Please slow down. 

Set Backs

Our government had some major setbacks yesterday.  So did my son.  We woke up to him screaming face down in a pile of carrot stained vomit at 3:30am.  He was puking carrots and cereal out of his nose.  It took his dad and I about an hour to calm him down and get him to stop squirting fluids out of his cute little nose. The next hour he slept between us until I had to roll out of bed for work at 5:30am.  Wednesday was a bummer.  House is run by stinky Republicans and Momma got 3.5 hours of sleep.  Eoghan has also been waking up around 3am to nurse off and on the last few weeks.  He used to sleep through the night.  What a trickster.  I thought my boy  was such a good sleeper.
Daddy making a point. 


 Okay off to pump. 

Strawberry Milk

I love my son so much that I make him strawberry milk in the morning at 5:30am.  I guess the change in weather is making my breast bleed when I pump.  I might have bloody nipples but I also have this. 

This is Eoghan meeting his 2 week old cousin Ginger.  He sure does look happy about meeting her.  Notice my son does not like pants.  He is surely going to be innappropriate just like his mommy and daddy. 

Today is his last day of being less than a half year old.  It is incredible how quick it went by.